k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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