Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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