You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
pray to the hookup gods
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
