If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
