He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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