Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
