So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
