Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
