I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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