Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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