my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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