Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize