i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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