Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
