My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
