Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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