too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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