Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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