Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
