i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
