True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
