I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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