I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
