Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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