Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
