Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
