Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
