Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
