Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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