a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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