its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found your dick twin last night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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