now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
