i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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