next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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