I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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