I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
