Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
