He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
