my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
