five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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