what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
