Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
