She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
