True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
