Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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