U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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