i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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