So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
