When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
