i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
