So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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