She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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