So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
