even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
