trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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