I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
