i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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