whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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