She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
