My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
