well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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