omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's always time for handjobs
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
