there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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