This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
