I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
