I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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