He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
