Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
