the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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