just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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