Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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