it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize