A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
