We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
