well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize