When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
