Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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